Back to December
by Phoenix-Colfer-Jones
Summary: Songfic, sort of. Haha, Janto fluff :D Slight angst aswell. Also, a teensy bit of Gwen Bashing. But only a teensy bit I swear. I can't not do it, I'm ill! Anyways, read and review, it makes me really really happy! Cookies for everyone! xx


**A/N; I'm ill so in quite a serious mood, if that makes sense, and illness usually results in ****me writing Janto anyways. Back to business, this is a song fic I had an idea for. The song 'Back to December' by Taylor Swift brought tears to my eyes so I thought, I'd love to read/see the story it told. We're diving straight in here, I hope it makes sense and I hope you like it. Please review :) **

_**-I'm so glad you made time to see me. How's life? How's your family? I haven't seen them in a while-**_

Jack's hand hovered over the phone as he worried his bottom lip. It was the middle of March and Rhiannon's birthday. Jack had bought her a present weeks in advance but was now unsure whether he should give it to her or not. He didn't know if she'd appreciate a present from her brother's _ex._

Sighing, he lifted the phone and dialed, waiting for an answer.

"Hello?"

"Gwen. I need you to come in, I'm sorry, I know I gave you the day off but-"

"It's fine, wasn't doing anything anyway," Jack heard a clatter from the other end of the line,

"I'll be there in ten minutes." The Welshwoman said before hanging up. Jack breathed out slowly. Grabbing his coat, he shucked it on a gave a wistful gaze towards Ianto's desk.

"_Lemme straighten that for you sir.." Ianto murmured, a glint in his eye as he remembered why Jack's coat was so.. rumpled in the first place. Running his hands along the fabric, the Welshman flushed as he looked at Jack through his lashes._

"_Stop looking at me like that, we have a weevil to go and catch."_

_The Captain smirked and pulled his lover in for a quick, loving kiss._

"_The weevil can wait?"_

Feet heavy, Jack plodded through the hub, ignoring Owen & Tosh's questioning gazes. Slipping the small, wrapped box into his coat pocket, The Captain heaved another sigh as the invisible lift started to ascend.

The air on the plass was cold as it whipped across his face and body, cutting into his thin blue shirt. He should be wearing an undershirt but since Ianto was no longer there to do his washing..

"Jack!" A shout came from across the plass. Jack turned and gave Gwen a fake smile.

"Where you goin'? I thought you needed me.." She panted, running to meet him.  
>"I do, Tosh and Owen could do with the extra support incase anything happens while I'm out." Gwen's smile dropped. She eyed The Captain hungrily for a moment before changing her face to an expression of innocence.<p>

"You sure you don't need me for.. anything? I mean, since Ianto left you've seemed-"

"I gotta go Gwen," without looking back, Jack stalked away, looking all the more miserable with each step.

TORCHWOOD

Ianto grinned as he was pounced on by his niece and nephew. They're getting heavier, he inwardly groaned. Smiling to himself, he flung an arm out in the general direction of his sister, present in hand.

"Awh, thankyou Ianto!" She grinned, pulling one of the kids off him as she did so.

"Uncle Ianto?" Mica tugged on the bottom his shirt. Smiling softly, he turned to her,

"Yes?"

"Where's Uncle Jack?" She asked innocently. Ianto's heart missed a beat. Feeling a lump in his throat, Ianto went to answer but was interrupted.

"He's right here!" An American accent drawled from the still open front door. Ianto closed his eyes, willing the rapidly forming tears away before turning to his former boss, fake smile in place.

"Jack! Wow, it's er, good to see you! Rhiannon, you have another visitor!" He called the final part behind him, hoping to God his sister would hear him.

"I heard you!" She sighed, rushing forwards.

"Jack!" She exclaimed, obviously just as surprised by his appearance as Ianto. Glancing at her brother, who gave a careful nod, she rushed forwards and hugged him quickly, taking the offered box.

"Thankyou," She smiled before turning to the children who were currently hounding Jack, tugging on his coat and asking him to play football with them.

"Oi you two, go upstairs uncle Ianto and.. Jack will play with you later." Ianto gave his sister and grateful look before disappearing into the kitchen, not waiting to see if Jack followed.

The couch dipping next to him proved he had. Neither man spoke at first, Ianto stared off into one corner, wishing, hoping, _praying_ that Jack would just disappear.

"I'm sorry" Jack blurted at the same time Ianto asked why he was there. The Captain had the decency to look chastised. He waited for Ianto to speak but no words came so instead, he pushed on.

"I'm sorry for.." _Leaving you and breaking your heart._ "Turning up like this." _At your sister's door. The sister who didn't care that we were men, as long as I didn't hurt you._ _But I did._

"It's fine, I didn't know you'd bought her a present, you could've asked me to drop it off you know.." Ianto grumbled. Jack cupped his jaw, turning his head so they were looking directly into each other's eyes. He leaned forwards and placed a soft kiss on the Welshman's lips, desperately trying not to deepen it when they parted in surprise.

"I really am sorry Ianto." He whispered.

_**-You've been good, busier than ever. We small talk, work and the weather. Your guard is up and I know why; Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind-**_

It was a couple of weeks until Ianto saw Jack again. His last meeting hadn't been too good, his fist still tingling from the punch he gave his former lover. He'd almost forgotten how good his right-hook was.

"_I really am sorry Ianto." He whispered. The Welshman reeled back in disgust._

"_Bollocks Jack!" He snapped. Jack reached out but Ianto started and turned sharply, punching Jack square in the jaw. The Captain remained silent, not letting Ianto see his unshed tears before quickly leaving the house. Ianto heard the door close and fell to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Rhiannon back away from the doorway, pretending she hadn't seen how broken her little brother was._

Losing himself for a moment, Ianto didn't notice the person heading straight for him, until of course, his lunch was all down the other's shirt.

"Oh my, I'm so sorry-"

"Don't worry about it gorgeous.." Ianto's head snapped up. His eyes instantly met dazzlingly blue ones before they darted back down to the mayo on his shirt.

"I'll.. I'll get you a shirt.." Ianto babbled, cursing himself as he felt a blush creep up his neck. Turning hastily, he tried to ignore the overwhelming presence of the man following him.

Jack buttoned up the deep red shirt and rolled up the sleeves, much to Ianto's chagrin.

"I really don't think red is my color.. got any blue ones?" He asked, grinning. Ianto shook his head silently in apology.

"You can talk to me you know.." Jack mumbled. Ianto stared at him a moment before scooping the American's light blue shirt into the washer and hitting it to make it start.

"I don't really have anything to say.." He said, absently kicking the washer as it made a groaning noise.

"Okay" Jack sighed and crossed his arms, wincing at the tightness of the shirt, "How's your new job?" He asked as casually as he could. Ianto shifted his weight for a moment, glancing at a nearby wall clock every now and then.

"Jack, I really don't want to talk to you."

"Why not?" The Captain asked immediately and firmly, leaving no room for anything less than an honest answer. Ianto huffed a sigh and let himself sink into his pinstripe suit.

"Because.. I _can't_.." he whispered, head bowed and silent tears running down his cheeks. Jack's initial arrogance and anger instantly disappeared, replaced only by his love for the man in front of him. He knew he should tell him that. Tell him that he loved him. But he couldn't then and he still couldn't now. That's why he left, head swimming and eyes brimming with tears. His shirt smelt of Ianto.

TORCHWOOD.

He'd tried to send emails and texts, even considered calling him at one point but Ianto just couldn't do it. He loved Jack too much and that's exactly why he couldn't. Rhiannon gave a small tut as she watched her younger brother put down his mobile once again. _If one of them didn't do something soon_, she vowed, _I'll have to sort them out myself. _

_**-You gave me roses and I left them there to die-**_

Jack glanced at his calendar, angrily flipping the date over when he realized what day it was. _August 19__th__. It's been months. At least get him a present._

"Your calendar says the wrong date.." Gwen mumbled distractedly as she set some files down on his desk. Jack avoided her gaze. Since Ianto had left, her jeans had gotten tighter and her tops had gotten lower. Fluttering her eyelashes at him, she asked the question she'd asked everyday for over 7 months.

"Anything else you need, Jack?"

"No thankyou.." he grumbled, pressing on with his paperwork. Gwen took it all in her stride, strutting out of the office and back down to her workstation. As she sat down, Tosh and Owen simultaneously stood and walked up to their Captain's office.

"Jack," Tosh began quietly. Owen stepped forwards, ignoring Tosh's squeak of protest.

"Right Captain Knob'ed. Either cheer the fuck up or go mope somewhere else. Preferably a roof. That you jump off afterwards." The cockney snapped, glaring at his boss. Jack raised his head slightly,

"Excuse me?"

"You 'eard." The medic was pulled out of the way by Tosh who gave a sharp slap to the arm, before placing a thin file on Jack's desk.

"This is Ianto's new address," Jack blinked, he didn't know he'd moved. "And where he works. There's a timetable with his hours on but he usually does at least one hour overtime." She continued, opening the file and pointing things out as she explained them.  
>"There's also his new mobile number, email address and the name of a nice Italian you can take him to." She stopped and smiled softly, hitting Owen to get him to do the same, though it turned out as more of a grimace.<p>

"What she's trying to say is, go after him. Woo him, win him back, what ever just-" Owen paused and calmed himself, "we hate seeing you so upset Jack. How many times have you 'accidently' got in the way of a weevil these past couple of months?"

"And how many times have you woken up alone?" Tosh asked guiltily. Owen lowered his gaze, looking slightly ashamed. Jack eyed the two longest serving members of his team.

"I knew there was a reason I loved you so much," he exclaimed, kissing Owen loudly on the head before repeating the action on Tosh. He grabbed his coat, pulling it on quickly and bouncing from foot to foot and Tosh straightened it for him.

"Ianto always was a lot better at that," She mumbled to herself. Owen gave a sideways smile before clapping his Captain on the back.

"Go on then, the hero always gets the girl-" a glare from Jack, "..guy."

Within moments, the invisible lift had reached the plass and their Captain was gone. After checking Gwen wasn't within earshot, Owen turned to Tosh who was clearing away the files on Jack's desk.

"Tosh.. would you err.."

"Yes?" She asked a little too quickly, turning to face him.

"Would you consider me a hero?" Owen said quietly, feeling a blush working its way onto his cheeks. Tosh put down the last folder and took a step closer, pushing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose.

"Yes, of course. The amount of lives you save so selflessly.. how could I not?"

"..When will I get my girl?" there was a beat of silence. Owen huffed out a breath, looking at the confused woman before him and making his decision.

"Would you go out with me Tosh? On a date or summin'?"

His answer was a kiss.

_**-So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night and I go back to December all the time-**_

Jack looked up at the house. It was.. a _house._ It wasn't a _flat_ that one man lived in. It was a _house_ that a family lived in. He gulped and pushed open the gate, closing it again with a small 'click' behind him. Running his thumb over the present he'd bought on the way over, Jack suddenly felt very nervous. Willing his hands to stop shaking, Jack pressed the doorbell and steeled himself.

His heart dropped to his stomach when a slender young woman opened the door.

"Can I help?" She asked in a strong Welsh accent, it was quite similar to Ianto's though, he noticed.

"I uhm.. I'm looking for Ianto.." He mumbled before shaking himself and offering her a mega watt smile. She blushed and turned her head,  
>"One second." Jack heard her bare feet (<em>she was in a dressing gown, oh god, she must be his.. wife or something!) <em>patter down the hallway. There was a series of soft words spoken before more patters, the woman re-appearing.

"He's busy.. I'm sorry. Could you come back lat-"

"It's really important." Jack stressed, dropping his smile. The woman bit her bottom lip and pushed a strand of long, dark hair from her face. Regarding him with cold blue eyes, she sighed.

"Okay but.. well, I dunno. Just. No trouble, yeah?" She said, letting him past her and into the house.

Warmth hit him instantly, making him regret wearing his coat. The present in his pocket changed his mind again though, and he allowed himself a small smile. The woman closed the front door and motioned for him to follow her down the hall. Jack kept his steps silent as he took in his surroundings. Several photos hung on the wall beside him, one of Ianto with Mica and David, another of Ianto and his.. wife having a picnic. Jack sighed as they turned and entered what was obviously the living room. Taking in the fire and large, brown leather sofa, he smiled; this is part of the house Ianto always described to him. His smiled disappeared. In Ianto's description, he and Jack were laid in front of the fire, reading or watching TV, or just generally losing themselves in one another.

"Jack!" Ianto started in surprise when he spotted the Captain in his doorway, stood just behind his wife.

"Ianto, I wasn't gunna lie for you, talk to him." She ordered before disappearing. Ianto's mouth opened and closed several times in quick succession. Jack chuckled quietly to himself and pushed forwards slightly,

"Yan,"

"Don't call me that." Ianto snapped, all humor was gone and suddenly, you could cut the tension with a knife. Jack bit his lip and lowered his eyes, purposefully ignoring another photo of Ianto and his wife he'd just spotted on the coffee table.

"I-I'm sorry.. haven't been called that in a while.."

" just over 7 months.."

"8 to the day." Ianto said quickly before bowing his head to stare at his lap. He hadn't moved from the position he was in when Jack had first arrived, sat crossed legged beside the fire, book in his lap. Jack slipped his boots off and kicked them near the door, draping his coat on the back of the sofa. Ignoring the creak of his knees, Jack joined Ianto on the floor, present in hand.

"Whats that?" Ianto grumbled, eyeing it.

"A present. For your birthday." Jack shrugged, handing it over. Ianto took the neatly wrapped box in his hands. It was no bigger than a slice of bread but was wrapped beautifully in deep red paper and sealed with a black bow.

"Jack, I can't accept this-"

"Ianto, it's been months. Please." The American whispered, locking eyes with his former lover. Sighing, Ianto opened the box. He dropped it almost instantly to his lap and gasped. Jack bit his lip to hide the smile forming.

"Jack that's.. that's amazing, how did you?"

"Well, it took me a while, I mean, I did set off from the hub around three hours ago.."

"It's ten minutes away."

"I know." Ianto shook his head and gave a disbelieving laugh.

"But how did you find it anyway? This, is.. so old." He laughed again and grinned, holding the antique stopwatch towards the light of the fire before placing it carefully back in its box and turning to face Jack.

"Thank you," He said sincerely. Jack dipped his head, shocked to feel a blush starting under Ianto's gaze.

"I err," He coughed nervously, "I also.. _really_ need to talk to you."

"What about?" Ianto seemed considerably happier, the warmth of the fire now seeping back into the room, replacing the ice cold tension.

"..December."

"Jack-"

"No Ianto, let me finish." Jack took a deep breath then panicked, realizing he'd forgotten the speech he'd planned on the way, "I.. well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did all those months ago, it still hurts to think about it for me so for you it must-" he paused and calmed himself, noting that Ianto was listening intently.

"I love you Ianto," This earned a small gasp from the young man in front of him, "I love you so much it hurts and to be honest, I don't know how I've survived these past couple of months without you. It's like a part of me is missing, even Tosh and Owen have noticed and-" he stopped again and looked down at the hand resting on his knee.  
>"It's okay." Ianto whispered, tears in his eyes. Jack was shocked to feel hot tears tracing down his own cheeks. Cursing under his breath, he wiped them away.<p>

"No, no it's not. What I did to you that night was.. it was heartless and I just," sob escaped his lips, "I just wish I could take it back. As cheesy as it sounds and especially from me, it's all I want.. I want you Ianto. I want you to love me."

_Ianto checked his watch for what must've been the fifth time in the space of two minutes. He sighed and span in a small circle, scanning the darkened plass for Jack. It was nearing ten o'clock and the men had arranged to meet for dinner at nine. Finally, Ianto spotted his date and grinned, heading over.  
>"Jack! An hour late! It's a new record I'll have to say but, we will make up for it later, I assure you." Ianto's smile dropped when he got closer to his lover. The American's face was solemn, his eyes fixed and cold.<em>

"_Jack?" Ianto asked, thinking that for a moment, an alien may have taken his place and soon the real Jack would come and defeat the bad guy, claiming Ianto as his love before the two of them strode off towards the nearest Chinese. No such thing happened. _

"_Ianto I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore." Jack said. It was as simple as that. Ianto glanced down at the roses he'd bought, thrusting them towards Jack._

"_These are yours.." He whispered before turning away, sobs make his entire body shake. Behind him, The Captain wiped a stray tear from his eye before laying the roses down on the floor near Ianto, silently saying sorry before striding off, wishing he could be anywhere but there. Ianto hiccupped a breath and look up, spotting the roses discarded a foot away. He picked them up in and flung them out, over the railings and into the freezing December sea with a furious yell. Realizing that his sobs had stopped, he put his shaking down to the winter chill and decided to walk home. He'd need to put away the candles. And the wine. And the ring._

Ianto rubbed the other man's back soothingly, remembering the night his heart had broken. The pain he'd felt then had somehow been worse than with Lisa. He'd grown to understand and accept what happened. But Jack offered no explanation.

"Why did you do it?" Ianto whispered into the other man's hair. They'd somehow come to be hugging, Jack's head resting on Ianto's shoulder, their ankles crossing over one another's. There was a long silence. Ianto thought Jack might not have heard him and was about to speak again when the American sat up, looking directly into Ianto's eyes.

"Because I was scared.." He said softly, subconsciously cradling Ianto's jaw. The Welshman ignored the warmth pooling in his stomach at Jack's touch and instead, looked down at the carpet, running his fingers over the plush fabric.

"I don't understand.."

"I was scared because, well. I was scared that me loving you would get in the way. Of Torchwood, of your life, your family, my duty to this country.. I couldn't risk that." Ianto looked up and made to speak but Jack spoke first,

"But now Ianto.. now, I know where I went wrong because, if I'm gunna run Torchwood I'm gunna do it with you by my side. If Mica wants a birthday party, _we'll _throw her one! Ianto Jones, I love you so much!" He grinned, "and I always will." Ianto looked as if he was about to cry.

"..I love you too, Jack." He breathed, a tear escaping and tracing down his cheek. Without thinking, Jack leaned forwards and kissed it away, flushing instantly when he realized what he'd just done.

"I'm sorry I, oh god.." a horrible thought hit him, "What about your wife Ianto?" The American squeaked. Ianto was quite prepared to revel in the other man's panic but instead, grinned and called for 'Blair'. She appeared at the door within a second, having obviously been eavesdropping.

"Yes?" She asked innocently, eyes sparkling. Ianto rolled his eyes but carried on nonetheless.

"Would you like to explain our relationship to Jack?" He asked sweetly. Jack's head was swiveling quickly from side to side , the man torn between looking at Ianto or Blair.

"You're the best cousin ever. Why?" She grinned. Jack's stomach flipped. _Cousin?_ He turned to Ianto, grin plastered across his face.

"Oh god, I really love you!" He breathed. Ianto barely had time to return the sentiment before he was pulled into a bruising kiss. It was nothing like a kiss they'd shared before. It wasn't just lust, or hunger. It was tender, sweet and romantic. Ianto felt very much like a teenage girl for it but he couldn't help the stupid little flurry of butterflies that attacked his insides. He was sat by the fire with Jack. Kissing Jack. A moan escaped the mouth joined to his and a sharp cough brought them back to reality. Blair was still stood in the doorway, trying to hide her grin and raised eyebrow.

"May I remind you that I am young and impressionable. I don't want to see things like that!" She giggled. Ianto grabbed a cushion off the nearby sofa and flung it at her.

"Sod off, we've got catching up to do," He winked in Jack's direction. The Captain grinned and pounced, kissing Ianto from his lips down to his collarbone.

"8 months worth.." Jack breathed. Ianto couldn't help it. He laughed. The situation he never thought he'd be in combined with Jack's '51st century pheromones' were making him light headed.

"Let's go to bed." He whispered huskily, dragging the American to his feet. Blair joking made retching motions behind them as they practically ran upstairs.

"Hm." She sighed, looking around the living room. Seeing her mobile light up on the coffee table, she raced over and opened it, eyeing the new text.

**From; Tom.**

**Wanna go for a drink? 8? Xx**

**7:38 19.8.2011.**

Biting her lip to fight the grin, Blair text back and hastily pulled on her coat, leaving her mobile on the table, screen still open.

**To; Tom.**

**Why don't we just go straight for dinner? See you at Frankie's at 8 ;) Xx**

**7:39 19.8.2011.**

Smirking to herself at the clatter from upstairs, she left the house, making sure it was locked first. She had a feeling Jack & Ianto would be up there for quite a while.

**WELL! It's done! Jack and Ianto are naughty boys aren't they? ;) But seriously now, did you like it? Please please please, let me know. It'd make my day, even if it was criticism, I've written this when ill so I already know it's not perfect. Review or Pm me, just tell me what you thought! By the way, would you like to see Blair in more stories? She's an OC of mine that is usually very funny, it'd be good if you'd like to see her at her best :D**

**Alssooo, here are the lyrics to Taylor Swift's (yes, that's right I DON'T OWN IT) song; Back to December. It really is lovely, give it a listen. Lots of love, and cookies. Jessssss xx**

I'm so glad you made time to see me  
>How's life, tell me how's your family<br>I haven't seen them in a while  
>You've been good, busier than ever<br>Small talk, work and the weather  
>Your guard is up and I know why<br>Because the last time you saw me  
>Is still burning in the back of your mind<br>You gave me roses and I left them there to die

[Chorus]  
>So this is me swallowing my pride<br>Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night  
>And I go back to December all the time.<br>It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you  
>Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine<br>I go back to December turn around and make it all right  
>I go back to December all the time.<p>

These days I haven't been sleeping  
>Staying up late playing back myself leaving<br>When your birthday passed and I didn't call  
>Then I think about summer<br>All the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side  
>And realized I loved you in the fall<br>And then the cold came and the dark days  
>When fear crept into my mind<br>You gave me all your love  
>And all I gave you was goodbye<p>

[Chorus]  
>So this is me swallowing my pride<br>Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night  
>And I go back to December all the time.<br>It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you  
>Wishing I realized what I had when you were mine<br>I go back to December turn around and change my own mind  
>I go back to December all the time.<p>

I miss your texting, your sweet smiles.  
>So good to me, so right<br>And how you held me in your arms that September night  
>The first time you ever saw me cry<br>Maybe this is wishful thinking  
>Probably mindless dreaming<br>If we loved again I swear I'd love you right  
>I'd go back in time and change it but I can't<br>So if the chain is in your door I understand

[Chorus]  
>But this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night<br>And I go back to December  
>It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you<br>Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine  
>I'd go back to December turn around and make it all right<br>I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind  
>I go back to December all the time<br>All the time


End file.
